Times Like These Require an Ofuda
by MiekoYagyu
Summary: Saitou just wanted to have a quiet day at the office, but his dead Shinsengumi pals just won't leave him alone!


**Times Like These Require Ofuda**

**Disclaimer: **Okay, I know I should be working on Something Suspicious, but I had to write this after reading an awesome fanfiction! And like all of my fanfiction, I do not own the characters I am currently stealing. To say it bluntly, I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane. I wish I did. *Sobs*

**- - - - - - -**

Saitou Hajime, ex-Shinsengumi captain turned psychotic cop that terrorized Tokyo's streets, was having a really bad day. It was not your average bad day. In fact, he would say your bad day was measly compared to his bad day. Because, you see, idiots were bothering Saitou. Not the idiots he normally had to deal with at work and his general life. At least those idiots were alive.

"Saitou-saaaaaaaaaan!" whined Okita Souji, dead Shinsengumi captain and one of Saitou's closest… well, not 'friend' exactly. Maybe compatriot. But not friend. "I want candy!"

Saitou growled at the feminine man. "Okita, I'm busy," he spat out. There was paperwork on his desk. A mountain of paperwork. Said mountain of paperwork made him want to kill something. Or smoke. He really didn't care which.

"But I'm hungry! Buy me some candy!"

"You are dead, Okita. You wouldn't be able to eat it anyway. I'm not wasting any yen on _you_." Saitou leveled a glare on Okita. Okita was deceptively mild looking. He had this giant grin plastered onto his face 24/7, even when he was slashing through Isshin-Shishi.

"If you don't get me some candy, maybe Shinpachi-san will!" pondered Okita.

"He's not a spirit medium, Okita. He won't notice you."

"But Sanosuke-san and Heisuke-san said he noticed them!" Okita protested.

"That's because the ahous threw his furniture across his room." In fact, Shinpachi was quite upset about it. He had complained to Saitou, begging him to perform an exorcism. Nagakura said that his wife was threatening to leave him if nothing was done with the paranormal pest infestation.

"Did somebody mention our names?!" boomed another voice. Saitou buried his head in his hands and nearly groaned. Why, oh _why_, did those idiots have to come?!

Harada Sanosuke and Toudou Heisuke floated down from the ceiling, smirks on their faces. Sano had his giant spear in his hand. They looked quite dashing in their uniforms. Saitou quirked up an eyebrow.

"What's with the get-up?" he asked dryly. Most of the time, the buffoons would visit in their off-duty clothes.

"Don't you know, Saitou-san? The women love a man in uniform!" Sano laughed loudly. Heisuke punched Sano in the arm.

"Of course he wouldn't know, Sano! He's got Tokio!" They chuckled knowingly. Saitou's hand twitched towards his katana.

"Candy…" moaned Okita. "They don't have any in the afterlife." Saitou was tempted to bash his head on his desk repeatedly.

Heisuke looked up, along with the rest of the Shinsengumi members. "I sense him," he said forebodingly.

"Yeah," Sano said, for once in his (un)life serious.

Saitou's eye twitched. "Ah, yes. All I need now is that bumbling, oro-ing, 'look-at-me-I'm-a-_rurouni_-now' idiot to complete my day," he snarled.

Just then, Hitokiri Battousai (who insisted on being called Himura Kenshin) opened the Western-style door. He glanced furtively at the areas the dead Wolves of Mibu were occupying.

"Battosai."

"Saitou."

"Toudou!" called out Sano impishly.

Battousai took on a confused look and turned towards where Sano was sitting at. "Did you hear something…?"

"No," growled Saitou, and gave Harada another glare.

"Hmm…"

"What are you doing here, Battousai, other than ruining my day?"

"It's Himura, now," Battousai said mildly.

"Whatever." Saitou pulled out his trusty cigarette and lit it. Ah, the joys of nicotine and its destructive properties. It gave Saitou a happy, fuzzy feeling just thinking about it.

Battousai's eye twitched. Okita and the others smothered giggles behind their ghostly hands. Battousai twirled on the spot, eyes wide. He looked closely where the idiots were floating. Saitou wondered if Himura was a latent spirit medium.

"I could've sworn I heard laughing over there!" Battousai exclaimed.

"I think you're hearing things, Battousai. Is the rurouni act finally making you deranged?" Saitou taunted.

Battousai let it slide. "Never mind. Listen, have you any word on Enishi?" He looked at Saitou with those pathetically soft eyes, those violet eyes that made Saitou want to puke.

"Why would I care about that madman? It's not exactly like he's turned to the side of angels, Battousai."

"_Himura_. I go by Himura now, not Battousai. And Enishi's family. I owe him at least this much." Harada and Toudou fell over in surprise. Okita wasn't shocked at all, because he kept close tabs on Saitou at all times.

"Well I don't. Now get out of office before I sic my personal broom on you."

"Broom?" Somewhere, in a tiny little office, Chou sneezed.

"Get out, man! I have enough to do without an overly feminine male clogging up my space! Go spend some time with that tanuki woman of yours!" Saitou roared; his patience sapped.

Battousai didn't even flinch. He gave Saitou a look that screamed _'Well, aren't we in a bad mood today?' _and left.

"I need more nicotine," Saitou muttered darkly underneath his breath. He took a drag of his cigarette, and blew the smoke into Harada's face. "You. All of you. Go away. Go bother Hijitaka, but leave me alone."

"But Hijitaka-san said if we come within a mile of him, he'd make us commit seppuku!" whined Okita.

"And we're took young and handsome to die twice," bemoaned Toudou.

"Go! Don't make me take out the ofuda!" Saitou yelled.

"You wouldn't!" gasped Harada in horror.

"I would," Saitou took another drag, under control again.

"Let's go bother Puppy-kun this time! His wife is the cutest thing!" gushed Heisuke (also changing the subject).

"Not so! Their daughter is!" laughed Sano.

"Maybe _they_ have candy…" Okita thought out loud. With that, they dematerialized.

Saitou groaned in relief. "I'm going to move to Hokkaido, and hope they never ever find me again…" He really should stock up on more ofuda.

**- - - - - - -**

**Author's Note: **…Yeah… um, this was weird. But a good weird, I hope….

Yup, first crossover, ever. You know, you'd think there would be more Peacemaker Kurogane/Rurouni Kenshin crossovers. I mean, they happen in the same city, in the same time period (Bakumatsu time) and both are realistic-historical. (Well, not counting Watsuki physics. But Kenshin being able to jump 25 feet into the air is flipping sweet.) Ah, the things I could go on about….

Thanks for listening to my pointless author's note. It's been nice talking (or typing) to you. If you have something to say to me, press that little review button. That's what it's for, ne?

Ja Ne! MiekoYagyu.


End file.
